Funny Thoughts on The Bachelorette Premiere

Emily Maynard1 Liz Riggs: The Bachelorette Premiere

The Bachelorette is back and it’s harder to make fun of than ever. Because Emily Maynard’s ex-fiance baby daddy died in a plane crash before she had the chance to tell him she was pregnant with their child, I’m going to really have to focus on the douche bag contestants and the fact that Chris Harrison is wearing a wedding ring. And the fact that this show is vastly unfair to people who are ugly.

20 of the 25 guys who made it through casting are pricelessly attractive-it’s not even a matter of opinion. About a third of them walked out of J.Crew magazines and another other third have been training for an Iron Man. But it looked like the last third were cast as some sort of sick joke! Did they pull the last third off of the Appalachian Trail and expect Barbie to enjoy what she’s looking at? It looked like a scene out of Beauty and the Geek, not The Bachelorette.

The worst part about the disparate levels of attractiveness on this show is that Emily actually kept some of these men on national television for another week! What in God’s name was she thinking when she let doucheymcgreenshirt stay for another ride around the block so he could underwhelm everyone with his inferiority complex about wealth. Listen, greenshirt, you’ve got no chance next to Kalon. The guy came in on a helicopter. You may hate him for being handsome, rich, and nice, but that’s because he’s better at life than you are.

Then there’s the token. There’s never really been anybody black on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, but the show got a lot of shit for it. So they put someone there that Emily sent home on the first night. Listen guys, she knows true love potential when she sees it and he just didn’t have it. But greenshirt did.

So besides the who’s who in models vs. mall cops, there were a few notable highlights in Monday’s premier.

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